We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
