"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
