fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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