Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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