I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
