I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
