Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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