Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I checked into jail on foursquare
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize