she woke up with a sticky ear
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
