yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
