i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
