Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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