I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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