Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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