Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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