so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
