i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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