marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
