We got so high we made milksteak
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
