In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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