I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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