you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
