Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
