I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i think my cat just said my name.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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