I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize