East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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