Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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