its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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