please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
