I think I just saw someone hide a body.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize