is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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