Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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