What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
