Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
