Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
