I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
