I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
