Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
