Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
