I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
