i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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