Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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