i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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