I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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