The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Fuck appropriateness.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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