Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
