I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
