God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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