It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
