he shaved USA in his pubs
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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