This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
