My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
