is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
