I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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