this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
