Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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