The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She's the barista slut.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
