Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I wear drunk well.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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