We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
