I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
