Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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