this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
