There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
